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My Life With Depression | All Ages of Geek

In this article, I want to write about my life with depression. I hope I can help someone who is in a similar situation. I’ve been struggling since the age of 14, with partial severe depression and anxiety. This depression and anxiety were caused by heavy bullying during my school days. I also got a strong social anxiety disorder from the bullying, which still causes me problems today.

It’s therefore very difficult for me to forge social contacts and friendships. It’s difficult for me to trust other people because I’ve had a lot of bad experiences in trusting other people. I’ve lost all my friends because of my depression, and no one in my family wants to have anything to do with me.

The worst thing is the isolation, the loneliness, the sadness, the feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness. Your negative thoughts can make you crazy and will finally destroy you in the end. Every day is a new challenge not to give up. There are days that are so bad that you don’t want to get out of bed. You just want to disappear and stop existing, so that this horrible feeling finally disappears. It’s difficult to fight if you know that you will lose in the end. I’ll fight until my little heart stop beating. But I also know that maybe it will never get better, but I will not give up.

I’ve gone a long way and can not just give up now. I have a good job and have found a great community that has given me new hope. My biggest problem is that I can’t talk about it. I always act as if I’m happy, but in reality, I’m the opposite. I always try to be friendly and helpful, but inside I scream for help. I’m always there for everyone, but when I’m home alone in the evening, night, and the weekend nobody is there for me. I have no family or friends I’m always alone. It’s a very hard time for me sometimes it is so bad that I don’t want to live anymore.

I know there are many in this community who offer me their help. I’m very grateful to these people, but I don’t want to burden anyone with my problems. There are also good days, not every day is horrible and bad. But after every good day, many bad days follow. The depression is patient because the slidest drop of rain will cause these seeds to sprout. The rain will come and the seeds will sprout. The depression is always with me, it’s in my little heart, it’s in my thoughts, and deep in my soul. My depression follows me wherever I go.

If you suffer from depression and anxiety then talk about it. Believe me, it helps. Go to a psychotherapist, do something that is fun to you. If someone offers you help, then accept the help. Never give up, it will be better again, even if it’s currently very difficult for you. Believe in yourself and please DON’T GIVE UP! Better days will come, believe me. My faith in God always helps me at this time. As long as you have faith in your heart, you’ll never walk alone. God is always with you on your way.

The reason why I wrote this article is, that I want to help anyone who experiences a similar situation. You’re not alone, depression is not a choice.

Fulfilling Your Dreams | All Ages of Geek

In this article, I’d like to tell a little personal story about motivation. How it helped me in a very difficult time of my life, and how important motivation is to achieve your goals and dreams.

In 2007 when I was 14 years old I was heavily bullied in school, I had no friends, and even the teachers were against me. I got depression and severe anxiety, I had reached a point where I saw no future for myself. At my lowest point, I was not able to leave the house or go to school because I had a strong social anxiety disorder. At that time, I was completely down. I lost all my hope, and my whole family was against me. They blamed me for my situation because they could not understand why I had these problems.

They knew about the bullying, but in their eyes, it was all my fault. My uncle even called me a total failure. After being in inpatient for 3 months to treat my depression and anxiety I had a conversation with my grandmother. We talked about my goals, my dreams and about my future. My grandmother then said a sentence that motivates me to this day.

“There will be no one to fulfill your dreams and wishes except yourself.”

This sentence opened my eyes, it gave me new strength, new hope, and above all, I finally believed in a future for me. I’m infinitely grateful to my grandmother, she was the only one who understood me and stood by my side in this difficult time. I finally started to believe in myself, I changed school and tried to make friends. The bullying did not stop, but it was not that bad anymore. I never was the best at school, but the ambition drove me on. I learned and learned because I wanted to be the best and show everyone who didn’t believe in me who I am and what I can.

At the end of my school days, I was one of the best graduates. It would never have happened without my belief in myself, my faith in God, and my ambition to be the best. After my school days, I worked for 2 famous magicians and became a member of the ultra group The Unity. It was a very crazy time but this is a topic for another article . Today I’m an engineering technologist but without the motivation, I got from my grandmother, I don’t know if I would be here today.

This little sentence changed my whole life, it helps me so much to this day. It is important that you always believe in yourself, even in difficult life situations. Never give up on your dreams and if you have the opportunity to fulfill one of your dreams, go for it. Because maybe you get the chance to realize your dream only once in your life. Sure there will be moments where you want to give up, where you have no strength left to continue. But remember why you started, and look how far you’ve come. One day you will look back, you will realize that all the hard work, all the pain, and all the despair have paid off.

Give up only when, NO, NEVER GIVE UP! Work hard, be patient, and fight till your last breath take, your last heartbeat to fulfill your dreams. Remember you are the only one who can fulfill your dreams, GO FOR IT! If you believe in yourself enough and know what you want, you are going to make it happen.


NEVER GIVE UP!

Photography by Tatiana Stec

The Importance of Community

Why is a community with others so important to us? Why is the pain of loneliness so unbearable? To answer this I need to share the time in my life when I first understood what community was and what it meant. When my first friend saved me from the depths of darkness despite my constant rejection of Him, the one who never stopped loving me despite how deeply my hatred for Him grew and the one who taught me who empathy and love are. The day I accepted Jesus as my savior and friend, my community, after many years of convincing myself that I didn’t need or want community.

Community isn’t just knowing of other people, the community is about being able to truly empathize and understand other people, to share your pain, your happiness, your despair, your joy and your passion with one another and grow as individuals and as a group. Community is something that has been vital to us since day one of our race’s existence. When God created Adam he was completely sinless and perfect and yet something was still missing, he had no one to share the happiness of the things God had given him with, despite being in literal paradise it wasn’t complete without the ability to share the depths of himself with another. Even in complete perfection, Adam could still feel the sting of loneliness. So God created Eve and only after that was Adam completely fulfilled in every way.

No matter how much we try to convince ourselves otherwise, we NEED people who can share in our joys and our pains, we need people we can rely on to steer us back on the right path when we stray from what’s good. God did not create man to be alone and no amount of trying to convince ourselves otherwise will change that. To say that we need no one to correct us, to connect with us, to bear our burdens with us is to put ourselves on the same pedestal as God himself and as we’ve seen in the past, those who do that get knocked down hard.

In this way, accepting a community is also a sign of being humble, to accept that you have limits and cannot do everything on your own. A community between us is the last prayer Jesus prayed before his trial and crucifixion began. The desire for community is something we simply can’t truly do way with no matter how deep we bury it. Community with others is what will keep us from destroying ourselves and it’s what will bring some semblance of peace to the world.

​Find a community and if all other communities reject you, create one!

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